Wednesday, April 15, 2009

American Idol Top 7 and the Loser is Saved!

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Tonight on American Idol the judges instituted the SAVE! on contestant Matt Giraud. Therefore, no one goes home this week. However, two people will be leaving next week.


They could call the SAVE! the DELAY!

I predicted Lil Rounds would be going home tonight and I wondered if the powers that be, would save her.

Matt deserved to be saved because he had a bad night. But that's the thing , superstars don't have bad nights, not that bad anyways. Screech!

The weak links are going to have to step it up next week. Did I mention I can't wait to see what Adam does next? No? OMG! i can't wait to see what Adam does next!

Play Date at the Beach

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Yes, I know play dates between a boy and a cat are not very traditional, or common for that matter. But my friend's only son is a cat. So what's a Mom to do? I'd like to think I go with the flow.

Briar isn't really a cat. He's someone else. Maybe even a deceased rock star reincarnated or something. If anyone has any ideas who he was in his last life, please tell us, we are dying to know.

Besides, I am hoping if we do play dates, he won't have to venture the three quarters of a mile away from his house, alone, to visit us.

Just the other day, my friend sent me a text while I was at work. "Oh my goodness Stefan just called me and said Briar ran up to him at your house!! Whaaaaaaaaahh?"

A few weeks prior to that she texted me with, "Briar is on your street, at one of your neighbor's house. They're are keeping him in a cage til I get there."

I envision poor Briar imprisoned and quickly text back, "I'll go get him." Besides he must have been on his way to visit us, when the neighbor foiled his plan.

"It's 10 o'clock, do you know where your child is?" is a question my friend usually cannot answer. Seriously, though, I don't know why she doesn't just check his facebook status. He updates it frequently enough.

"Briar Cat is following some of the neighbors around the block."

Though I have to admit, at times, it is a bit cryptic.

Briar Cat is sneaky sneaky.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

American Idol Top 7 Recap

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Tonight the top seven perform their favorite song from a movie soundtrack with the help of Quentin Tarantino. Quentin gave all the contestants great feedback, too bad only some of them listened to him.

Allison Iraheta gave a goose bump inducing performance of "I Don't Want To Close My Eyes." Too bad the version she sang was so abbreviated, but still a solid performance. Though she was not quite as strong as last week, she was very close.

Anoop Desai sang "Everything I Do, I Do For You." Sporting a faux letterman's jacket, gee who is he appealing to?, gave his best performance so far. Before I saw him perform tonight I thought he'd be the next to go, but for now Anoop stays, and he doesn't kiss and tell. Hmmm? Is love improving Anooop performance?

Adam Lambert performs "Born To Be Wild." He's so far ahead of everyone else. One word. Mesmerizing. Total Idol! Who cares if he prefers smoking cigars, over eating cherries. Aren't we beyond all that? I am. When you're hot, you're hot!

Matt Giraud performance of "You Really Love A Woman," was okay. This wasn't his best night and I thought he screeched a few times. He's in trouble.

Danny Gokey sang, "Endless Love." I was excited to hear this song until he started singing it, though he got better on the chorus. Danny wasn't on top of his game tonight. But he's not at the bottom of the list either. I missed his glasses and his soulful performance.

Kris Allen sings "Falling Slowly," from the movie Once. I don't know the song, it started out great, but got kind of boring. Vocally, he sounded fine. He stays for now.

Lil Rounds sang "The Rose," one of my favorite songs ever. She started out weak, as if she was holding back, blew up on the gospel portion, and then held back at the end. What? She could have went gospel all the way and knocked it out of the park. More importantly she could have stayed on the show another week.

My top three Adam Lambert, Adam Lambert and Adam Lambert. The only person giving Adam any competition is Allison Iraheta. My bottom three, Danny Gokey, Matt Giraud and Lil Rounds, with Lil sinking a bit faster than Matt.

Now I have this twittering feeling that the final is going to come down to Adam and Anoop. Why? Because those two names have been trending every week on Tuesday. I know this isn't scientific, but it is twitterific.

Even if I'm right and it comes down to a showdown between and Adam and Anoop the drama will be anticlimactic. At this point, as far as I'm concerned, Idol is going to be a process of elimination until the last person standing tall is Adam Lambert.

I can't wait to see what Adam does next week!

Chicken Bread

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The other night for dinner, I bought a Trader's Joe, pre-cooked chicken, located in the refrigerated section. Wrinkly, cold Chickens don't look very appetizing, but once they're heated up they look good and taste great.

Chef Stefan pretty much cooks all the meat, and this is my little way of contributing to the family's protein requirement. I don't like cooking meat, probably because I don't like eating over cooked meat, and neither does anyone else in the family.

That night, when I came home from work, everyone had already eaten dinner. I heated up my Math Diet extra serving of protein, in the oven.

The chicken was yummy. I was enjoying it with Trader Joes salsa verde. More yum, no carbs equals me staying on the math diet.

"Honey did you like the chicken?" I ask Chef Stefan.

Long pause followed by.........."It was kind of dry."

"Did you heat it up?" I ask digging deeper.

"No," answers Chef Stefan, knowing in his mind I will have commentary for his answer because that chicken must be warmed prior to ingestion.

But before I could comment he went on. "I gave the chicken to Gio."

"Did he like it?" I ask hopefully.

"Well?" says Chef Stefan.

And then he told me what Gio said, "What is this? Chicken bread?"

The three old complaining about the food is nothing new, and at least, he has a sense of humor.

Apparently, I can't cook or buy, good meat. Now adding: CHEF to my list of things to do. Hopefully, that will more than make up for my short comings, in the kitchen.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Staycation Is Over

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Summer is almost here. Okay so it's two months away exactly, but that's practically here. My husband just went back to work after a week off for Spring Break.

Withdrawal! Severe withdrawal.

The day after a long break, is always hard for me because I'm used to him being here when I NEED him. You know, when I need to talk, or I need help with the kids or I need.......nevermind.

Now, I just get to daydream and sing this song, while he's at work.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter!

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Special Delivery.

Easter is the celebration of Jesus Christ rising from the dead. And that's exactly how I feel. Finally, my shoulder is better and last week I surfed four days in a row! Yay!

I even got devirginized at a new surf spot. It was sooooooooooooo good! Perfect waves kept coming and coming.......

Winter was an interesting one for me. I'm glad Spring is here, and my life is back to normal and much better than before. I appreciate the simple things like being able to wash my hair, hang up clothes, and yes, of course, surf, so much more. Yes, I'm really having fun with the laundry now!

But life on planet Earth seems to be a lesson in opposites. We can't know joy unless we know grief. We can't know support unless we know abandonment. We can only know hope, once we've met with despair. And if my children always got along, and always used their inside voices in the house, then I wouldn't appreciate when they're asleep.

Happy Easter!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Stunt Cat has Skills

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Today's videos can viewed in less than one minute.

"Wow, that's very efficient," says someone. "Two videos for the price of one."


Yes, this is a ploy. A ploy, that I hope will help me, get my taxes done. I consider the first video inspirational. Yes, every time I watch it and see the impossible made possible I feel a little more like doing my taxes.

The second video, I believe, is symbolic of how this whole tax thing snuck up on me, from behind. Yikes!

Enjoy. And if you happen to know a Tax Inspiration Angel or two, please, send them my way. Thanks.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Math Diet Update #1

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"I'm too sexy for my frosting," sings the Poptart.

I'm starting to see results from the Math Diet. Unable to contain my excitement, I've been telling everyone about it.

"Look, honey, I'm shrinking," I say to Stefan.

I thought he said, "Wow you picked up a smaller muffin top at the bakery, nice job!"

But what he really said was, "Honey, your tummy is getting smaller." That's what he says, he said, anyways.

The fact that his eyes were bulging out of his head, made me have an auditory hallucination. At least, it was an accurate interpretation of what he meant.

What was he staring at? Did my tummy get smaller, while my butt got bigger. I want to sing, "I like big butts and I cannot lie, those other brothers can't deny........." But I will refrain, for now.

"Is my belly shrinking,"I ask my diet coach. She confirms that it is smaller.

Then she shared something I didn't know. Something I, now, feel I must share, right here, on this blog with the Internet.

"Carbs(bread, pasta and rice) make you retain water," says my diet coach."

I knew it! I knew something was making me retain water, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Now, I know who the culprit is! I was being perpetually hysterically impregnated by carbohydrates! Evil, evil, horny, carbs!

"Honey get the gun!"

The nice thing about the math diet is, by adding the extra protein to my diet, I don't miss the carbs, that much. Though, I do finding myself daydreaming about cut bread and creamy pastas. And, when my diet coach ran off to South America with her tamales, I had a fling with a Poptart. I got so burned by that sweet little thing.

"Ouch!" I say. "That's no way to treat a lady. I don't care if you are Berry hot!"

My words were meaningless, though. As I was about to turn my back, and walk out on the poptart, I had a change of heart. So I sat down at the table and ate her.

Fortunately, my diet coach is back. I'm sure that won't happen again, or at least not berry often.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Tis the Season

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The next few weeks promise to be very exciting. This weekend I'm going to see my friend the erotic exotic dancer. Wait. Rewind.

My friend, Erin Hoffman, aka Wonder Woman, is playing an erotic, exotic home wrecking, dancer in, The Great American Trailer Park Musical.

"The show is hilarious, with lots of great music and straight up trash!" says Erin.

"I love a show, I think I'll go!" says Mayzie La Bird. (Erin once played Mayzie La Bird in Seussical the Musical, and she was sooooooo good!)

There's is nothing better than watching the people I love, doing what they love. Nice job Eriny!

I've been listening to the soundtrack to the musical and it's so gooooood! I prefer to know the music, word for word, before seeing a show. That way I can sing along, loudly.

"This Side of the Tracks" from The Great American Trailer Park Musical. (I think these folks are lip syncing.)

Then next weekend we are going to see Wicked the Musical. Finally! Everyone else I know has already been to see Wicked, and I can't stand hearing about it anymore.

Yes, April 18th I'm Wicked bound. WooooHo....Wait. April 18th? That date reminds me of something? What is it? April fiftee..... Uh oh!

The tax man is lurking behind me. Maybe I can ditch him in this alley. Darn! It didn't work. Now, he's hot on my trail.

Good thing I put off my bookkeeping to the last minute. Welcome to my world, Procrasti Nation.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

American Idol Top 8 And the Loser is Scott MacIntyre

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Sorry to see Scott MacIntyre get the boot on Idol tonight. Well, no not really. He was the next logical choice to go. As I said in last night's blog, Scott was at the very bottom of my list.

Besides, he knew he was going next, as he indicated when he said, "At least I'm versatile, I wanted to show that before I went home."

Kind of makes me wonder if he just gave up on being America's next Idol or even making the top 5.

He can be proud he made it so far. I have said it before and I'll say it again I see him singing spiced up Jesus freak songs with some cool shades. Good luck Scott! Praise the Lord!

Books For Breakfast?

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"Mommy, what's better than breakfast?" asks Vinny.

"I don't know, what?" I ask.

"Breakfast in bed," he answers. "Mommy what's better than breakfast in bed?"

"What?" I ask.

"Breakfast in bed, with a book," he says giggling.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

American Idol Recap Top 8

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Tonight on American Idol contestants sing songs from the year they were born.

Danny Gokey's singing "Stand By Me" from 1980, started out sloooow, elevator muzak. He busted out on the second half. Yays he stays.

Kris Allen sings an odd jazzy arrangement of "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" from his birth year,1985. The music sounded a bit odd, but he sounded great.

Lil Rounds singing "What's Love Got To Do With It" was so so on the first half, but got soulful on the back end of the song. Lil Rounds is trying too hard to please the judges. She needs to connect to her soul and herself.Dig down deep inside, Lil.

Anoop Desai singing one of my favorite songs ever, "True Colors." Just not my favorite version of it. He stays for now. The girls love staring into his brown puppy dog eyes.

Scott MacIntyre singing "The Search Is Over" without the piano! I liked the smaller hair, but the guitar didn't go with the song and seemed contrived. The second half of the song, vocally, was not so good. Scott exposed his belly to the lion when he said, "At least I'm versatile, I wanted to show that before I went home."

Allison Iraheta singing "I Can't Make You Love Me" blew me away, and gave me goosebumps. She stepped it up several notches raising her maturity level to that of the song, but keeping it fresh and young. The best of the night so far!

Matt Giraud singing "Part Time Lovers," a song I never really liked. Not sure about his song choice, but he nailed it vocally. Top 2 of the night so far.

Adam Lambert singing "Mad World," one of my favorite songs ever (I have a lot of favorite songs ever). And he knocked it out of the park. Again! Emotional. Powerful.

My top three for the night Allison, Adam, Matt. I can't decide who was better Adam or Allison, so let's just call it a tie. Bottom three Anoop, Scott, Lil, with Scott being at the very bottom.

"It Sucked and Then I Cried," by Heather Armstrong Book Signing Chat

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New York Times Bestselling Author Heather
Armstrong signing her book,
"It Sucked and Then I Cried,"
an unfiltered, hilarious memoir
on pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood
and post-partum depression.

Note: This is how the book signing went down, y'all. All Heather quotes spoken with a Southern accent. To hear accent or view entire book signing event see video at the bottom of this post (30 min appx). Yes, there was a film crew from . I was not part of the film crew, but I do ask the last question in the video. I do not have a Southern accent.

"Thank you so much for coming," says Heather Armstrong. "I didn't know if there was going to be anybody here because of all the very, very angry email that I got from the people in San Francisco. 'How I dare I label it San Francisco, when it's taking place in Mountain View.' I know the difference y'all. I do."

Me: Wilco Tango Hatemail! Wait, did my Mom send Dooce hate mail? Wouldn't that be ironic, especially considering I had just gotten my first hate mail only a few days before. I don't think my Mom would send hate mail, would she?

Then Heather made an exciting announcement, that completely made me forget about hate mail, "today the book made the New York Times Bestseller's List!"

And the crowd cheers, "Hooray!"

Due to her being on book tour, she shared the news with her Mom over the phone, "step aside, Avon world sales leader! Step aside."

She described making the NY Times Bestseller List as "a good thing," and "the beginning of the rest of my life."

"It's been a really good (book) tour so far, says Heather. "I'm reading entries about boobs and sex. Last night in Seattle, after reading both entries, this Guy got up to ask a question."

"'I have no idea who you are,'" says the Guy. "'I was just browsing books. You kind of have a funny accent and I started listening. I have to tell you, my wife is 5 months pregnant and you have scared the total living s#!t out of me.' Then he walked away."

" purpose tonight, is to scare anyone that's got a pregnant wife," says Heather.

The first entry she read from the book was on "breastfeeding and boobs."

"My goal was to be able to breastfeed and load the dishwasher simultaneously. And when that happened, I planned to take my act on the road."

"(Breastfeeding hunger) is an equal opportunity hunger. A hunger that does not discriminate. A hunger that believes homosexuals should be allowed to marry. I can't read this passage in Utah. Half the room would leave."

The second passage was on waiting 7 months to resume "sex after a vaginal birth."

"If you're one of those women, who after only six weeks of shoving her boobs down a bottomless possum, could reconvene the procedure (sex) with a smile or maybe even an 'ooh yeah babe,' then I heartily salute you and your robotic adjustable vagina. I bet yours is the type of vagina that can hum show tunes or fold sheets all by itself."

Me: If my vagina can fold sheets, then why is there so much dirty laundry?"

After the readings, which included a near simulation of oral sex, on the mike, so everyone in the room could hear her (she's so accommodating like that), she opened up the room to questions from the audience.

An audience member asked whether she would continue the blog after the baby is born.

"The number one complaint (from professional bloggers) is you can't take a break," answers Heather. "I don't plan to take a break. I don't think I'll want to. I'll probably seek it out as a refuge. I know it's going to be hard transitioning to two kids, and I think I'll want to write about it."

Me: And that was the understatement of the night! Good luck Heather and Jon because in two months the madness begins. We still haven't recovered, but that's okay, at least, we're having lots of fun. And it really does get easier as the kids get older, which is any minute now.

"What's the thing that has surprised you the most the last seven years?" asks another audience member.

"Well, this is kind of crazy," Heather says, gesturing to the bookstore's standing room only.

Another audience member asked if Heather had found a way to get beyond the hate mail.

"There's a lot of it," answers Heather. "Hate mail has become an occupational hazard.......When people are barking the same hateful comments, it just becomes noise (you tune in out) in the background.

Then she sang the haters a song. It went something like this, "And I'm a New York Time's Bestseller!"

"Did you ever think that would be this big?" asks someone.

"I never thought would be this big," answers Heather. "I really thought I was going to give it up when Leta was born. I used to plan in my head what the last entry was gonna be. I had no idea. I'm still sort of going along for the ride."

The last question made me raise my hand, besides it was the last question of the night, and therefore, my last chance to ask a question.

"How big is" I ask. "I watch your twitter followers go up by the 10s and 20s of thousands every day. "

"At the very end of signing up (for twitter) there's a page of people they recommend. And I happen to be on that list. So I owe Evan Williams (twitter CEO) my life.

"Ninety percent of the people (twitter followers) send me @replies all day long going, 'oh you're a woman? oh I didn't know that.' or 'oh you live in Utah? Weird....' 'You have children? Weird! I had no idea.'"

(Yes, very funny stuff when you consider @dooce (Heather's Twitter username) is THE Recovering Mormon Mommy Blogger.)

"As far as size (on, in February, I saw almost six million page views, which is crazy." answers Heather. "It's not something I can wrap my head around."

And then she signed books. Watch the video, if you more Heather Armstrong. And, of course, get her book, y'all.

The end.

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Backstory to Tomorrow's Blog or "It Sucked and Then I Cried" Part 3A

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My Blog Business Card
Designed by Belinda Jasmine

In case you missed Part 1 Click Here

In case you missed Part 2 Click Here

"Mom could you, please, babysit on April 1st, so we can go see Dooce in San Francisco?" I beg my Mom. "Then I can write a blog, and become the famous writer, you always knew I'd be, please."

I always throw in the famous writer bit when I really need her to babysit. It's an easy way to say, "Yes Mom, of course, you're right." And when she's right, she is usually more willing to help. Plus, I love the sound of it.

Before she agrees to babysit she asks, "is she the one you were so excited was following you on Twitter?"

"Mom, you're embarrassing me in front of the whole world wide web!" Only a parent can do that, I think?

Oh well, I might as well tell you the story now, since you're probably all ears. For a few hours of my life, I thought Heather Armstrong, the most popular personal blogger in the world, was following me on Twitter.

At that time, she was only following 60 people, but had over 100,000 followers. And I thought, "Wow, I'm one of the 60 people she is following. I must be very, very, very special."

I know that's enough verys to give nearly anyone an allergic reaction, that would include, but not be limited to, nausea.

I am so excited, I phone and text all my friends the good news, "Dooce is following me on twitter."

Most of them asked, "what's twitter?" Some of them thought she was following my blog, but couldn't find her in my blog followers list. While others were like, "What's Dooce?" Ah, technology can be so confusing.

Within a few hours, or at least by the next day, I realize dooce is not following me, I'm just following her. Love, some times, is a one way street.

Later, I had to phone and text every one I had notified "oh, it's just me following her. Nevermind."

Twitter is confusing. See, I got all mixed up by the followers and following. Twitter is, also, very disappointing. At least, I didn't announce it on the blog. Then, anyways.

So there you have it! My humiliating "dooce is following me on twitter, hold please, fail!" story.

Now, my Mom is pretty technical and happened to be at my house when I was googling the San Francisco bookstore for directions to Dooce's book signing. (I no longer recommend google directions, got nothing against their maps, though).

"What's the address?" asks my Mom.

"301 Castro Street, Mountain View," I say.

"Mountain View?" says my Mom. "Mountain View is not San Francisco."

"Mom, I know Mountain View isn't San Francisco," I say. "Her website says San Francisco, and the address underneath it says Mountain View."

I knew right then exactly what my Mom was thinking. The tape playing in her head went something like this, "This is a trick! She's mixing up San Francisco with Mountain View because it's all a lie! She's making up the whole Dooce book signing thing, and she's really going surfing in Mountain View!"

Fortunately, we were looking at a map of Mountain View so my Mom realizes, "Wait, she can't surf in Mountain View!"

And if I wasn't making it up, she was still worried that I was going to the wrong bookstore The one that wasn't in San Francisco. Therefore, I would never be famous. Then she would be wrong. Now she was having second thoughts about babysitting at all.

My Mom always thinks I'm trying to trick her, when, in fact, I'm only trying to trick her some of the time. And this wasn't one of those times.

Fortunately, she believed me and covered her babysitting shift like a good Nana.

Note: This is a bit of a backstory to tomorrow's blog where Heather Armstrong of will actually be quoted. Say it with me y'all, Jesus Amen!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Garfield is Hungry

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I Can Has Cheezburger In My Bed

No food for me, I'm watching my figure.

My oldest son, Vinny, is always hungry. In fact, his first word wasn't Mama or Dada. It was Eat, without the T, right around five months of age.

"What's your favorite thing to do?" I ask Vinny.

"Eat," he answers, of course.

He idolizes Garfield the Cat, who also lives to eat and sleep. I wish Vinny would focus more on Garfield's sleeping hobby, and less on the eating hobby. It would be cheaper and quieter.

"Did you know Garfield fantasizes?" asks Vinny.

"About what?" I ask.

"When Garfield is sleeping he fantasizes about eating," Vinny says chuckling. "And when he's eating he fantasizes about sleeping

Then Vinny goes on, "when Garfield is on a diet he eats celery and leaves." Seems like Garfield might prefer the math diet.

Then there's the problem of Odie.

"Vinny, Gio is not Odie the dog?" I keep repeating over and over.

Gio you are not Odie or any other dog," I protest. "Get off your hands and knees, and stop drinking from the dog's bowl!"

One day Vinny was telling his friend a funny Garfield story.

"Whose Garfield?" asks his friend, while Vinny laughs out loud at his own story. "Oh I know, he's that rude cat," she says answering her own question.


"And your other favorite thing to do in the world, besides eat?" I ask Vinny.

"Read," Vinny answers.

What a relief! At least half of him aspires to greater activities than Garfield. Reading is quiet, and doesn't require money, as long as the libraries stay open. Even better, when he reads, he's so involved in his book, not only does he tune out the outside world, but he doesn't even think about food.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Math Diet: How to Send The Muffin Top Back to the Bakery Where it Belongs

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Tired of still looking pregnant, I started a new diet. I didn't get this new diet from a book. I may have skimmed one diet book in my entire life. They are just too fatty, I mean faddy, for my tastes.

I'm following the diet of a friend. The diet consists of eating more protein than carbs, sounds like a familiar book to me.

"Your carb intake should be 1/3 of your protein intake," says my friend. "Eat a little more protein, as opposed to filling up on carbs. If you don't burn the carbs right away they get stored as fat."

"What's right away?" I ask.

"That day," she answers. "Protein doesn't get stored as fat if you don't immediately use it."

Excited about my new diet, I shared it with another friend, but "it was too mathy for her."

I feel so lucky to finally have my own personal diet coach to keep me on track. She even texts me through out the day to make sure I'm eating correctly.

"What's for lunch?" she asks.

"Salad, avocado, chicken, 1 slice of bread," I text back.

Later the same day she checks in on my meal, "What's for dinner?" Then predictably goes on to comment, "salad, avocado, chicken, bread?"

"Asparagus, avocado, brown rice, steak," I text.

"Rice has too many carbs," she texts.

"But it's brown rice," I text defensively .

"Rice and bread it's all the same," she texts correctively. "Too many carbs."

When I have weak moment she texts me strength:

"This poptart is whispering sweet nothings in my ear," I text weakly.

"Too much carbs," she command texts. "Tell it to go get its sweet on with someone else."

"But this poptart really wants me," I text lustily . "And it's berry hot."

"Drop kick the poptart," she texts violently .

She even brag texts about her snacks and meals.

"I just had a salad with carrots for mid day snack," she boast texts . "No meat, no carbs."

I can't eat that, I would starve on that menu. Hmmmmm, mid day snack? I wonder what she had for lunch, so I ask.

"I was hoping you wouldn't ask," she shamefully texts . "Waffles with whipped cream and strawberries and 4 slices of bacon."

Not one, or two, or three, but four! pieces of bacon! Wilco Tango Diet! But even with her transgressions, her "mathy" diet still seems to be working.

When she doesn't text me her dietary updates, she posts them on her Facebook status:

"yumm... chicken and waffles."


"Tamales!!! Tamales EVERYWHERE!!!"

"the tamales are a little small for my appetite so I need 2 or 3!"

Sometimes, I am not even sure if she's talking about food, but she's a professional so I never question her out loud.

Thanks to my friend's dietary support via texting and Facebook status updates, my pants are fitting a little loser and I'm wearing my belts on the next notch up or is it down? You know what I mean.

I've only been on the Math Diet a few weeks, and I'm already seeing results. Soon, muffin top will be something I can run out and buy at the bakery, instead of having to face in the mirror everyday.

Friday, April 3, 2009

"It Sucked and Then I Cried" Part Dooce

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Part 2: Waiting for Heather Armstrong, author of "It Sucked and Then I Cried," inside Books Inc.

Missed Part 1? Click here.

I walked into the bookstore on my own, while Stefan retrieved the talking, blogging, camera, and found the front row was filled up. Luckily, the second row was open. Even better, there was a nice person already in it, so I sat down next to her, and we chatted, while waiting for her Awesomeness to appear.

"Oh I wish I had eaten before we came," I say to my new friend.

She was so kind, she offered to save our seats, while we got a bite to eat, in the cafe upstairs. Thank you!

It would have been really embarrassing to pass out in the middle of Heather's presentation. On second thought, maybe she would have written a blog about me or at least a tweet.............Oh well, another missed opportunity.

The saving of seats episode made Stefan very nervous.

While we were eating he kept asking, "are you sure she's going to save our seats? What if they don't let her save our seats? The bookstore is filling up, we better get down there before someone takes our seats."

Heather showed up 15-20 minutes before speaking, in a black dress with high heels. Did I mention she's seven months pregnant? Very impressive.

When I was pregnant, I may have worn high heels once, but never since. And my heels were probably too low to qualify as high heels, in any reputable fashion blog. The rest of the time, I walked around with Stefan's massaging hands on the bottoms of my feet.

Yes, if pregnancy was going to be hard on me, then it was going to be harder on him.

But Heather was making pregnancy look easy, energetic, hilarious and HOT! Yes, all the guys in the room, lit up when she made her blow job microphone reference. She's bringing sex back to pregnancy. The visual lingered over the room for at least 30 seconds. Hopefully nobody came in their pants. Actually, as I recall most people were wearing pants.

With Heather's permission I recorded the entire chat. Thank Goddess, because I was so overwhelmed with inspiration I didn't write down one thing she said. I sat in my chair soaking in her Heatherness, which is off the charts.

I was mesmerized, hypnotized, hearing Katy Perry in my head, and getting a "how to blog better" psychic download, all at the same time.

No wonder I was feeling light headed.

I first came across Heather Armstrong, in August of 2008, in the New York Times. It was an article about her blog, you can read here. I started writing my blog a week later, after not writing for 18 years.

So when I say stumbling across Heather Armstrong and was life changing for me, it's an extreme understatement. I finished Journalism School in 1990, then took an alternative path in massage therapy and teaching at a massage school. Every year was a waiting game.

Waiting for my inspiration to come and waiting for the day I would write again. Then snap, seemingly over night after reading Heather's blog, my inspiration had finally arrived.

Sitting in the bookstore audience, listening to Heather speak and read from her book, was emotional for me and nothing short of heaven on Earth. Her performance rendered me speechless and completely star struck. Read: "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!"

Even if I never have six million hits a month, at least I'm writing again, every day, even. Besides my goal, for now anyways, is to have one million blog hits a month. It's a start.

"But what did she say!?" Screams someone from the Internet.

Oh sorry but you'll have to wait for part 3 to find out. That could take some time.

Yes, a few people showed up to listen to
author Heather Armstrong read from
her New York Times Bestseller,
"It Sucked and Then I Cried."
Standing Room Only!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

"It Sucked and Then I Cried"

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Getting There Part 1

We made it to the book signing of Heather Armstrong's book, "It Sucked and Then I Cried," last night with an hour to spare. However, there was a bit of collateral damage along the way.

One burned finger. Mine. I really should take off my shirt before I iron it, I suppose.

One threatening phone call.

Me: Where are you?

Stefan: I couldn't find Vinny, he wasn't where he was supposed to be......

Me: Save it. I'm leaving in five to 10 minutes, where are you? I ask again hoping he's close because I really don't want to go without him.

Stefan: Three minutes away.

Me: Good, followed by Click

Then I rush to put on my pants before he arrives. Yeah, all that whining and I wasn't even ready. But it wasn't as if he could see me through the phone. Yes, I was getting my grump on good.

One missed exit.

Our geographical challenge was mainly due to me being in charge of the directions. I detest maps, because well I'm retarded when it comes to reading them, so I didn't print the map out. I prefer a little bit of left here, right there, and so on.

I believe those are called directions. If Google's directions had been accurate, my directions wouldn't have been a problem.

Stefan's mantra for the entire night was, "I really should have looked at the map." He repeated his mantra the rest of the way up and all the way home, though I'm sure he wasn't focused on his breathing. I agreed.

The guy at the bookstore, didn't help either.

"Oh no, don't take that exit," says Bookstore Guy. Which, as it turns out, was the right exit.

I should have known he was, at least as geographically challenged as me, when he said, "wow, I really should know this," in response to me asking, "what exit do I take from northbound 101?"

Fortunately the second time I phoned the bookstore, I spoke to someone who knew the area.

At this point Stefan started to freak out, probably because he thought we had to be there in five minutes.

"No biggie, it's only 6 o'clock and Heather isn't scheduled to speak until 7:30 pm," I say without my grumpies.

"Oh," he says with relief. And surprise since I'm never an hour and a half early to anything. There's a direct connection between being inspired and being on time, for me, anyways.

We parked and Stefan only had to go back to the car twice for me. Once to take my sunglasses to the car, and a second time to retrieve the camera that kept taking blurry pictures.

"Not enough light, to get my zoom on," pleads the camera in defense. "Besides, she kept moving around."

What? You don't have a talking camera? I think my camera may even have it's own blog. I just haven't been able to find it. I hope it isn't posting naked pictures of me, or worse, on the Internet. Oh well, at least, they'll be blurry.

Tomorrow Part 2: Waiting for Heather Inside the Bookstore
Yes, that's right I'm going to drag this out, or break it up for the busy folks, depends on how you look at it. There's even going to be a part 3. I think. I may even post part 3 Saturday. But I do promise to post Part 2 tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

American Idol Top 9 Recap

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Before I get on with today's American Idol blog, I have a few other items to tend to. First, tonight we are going to the Mother of all Mommy blogger's book signing. The woman who inspred this very blog. Yes, I am jumping up and down with excitement.

"Bounce, bounce, bounce!"

"Um, you forgot to tell us her name," says someone from the Internet.

"Heather B. Armstrong of," I say in my sing songy voice. Even better it's a date. Oh the joys, of multi-tasking.

Two, my friend is working on some Sugarland tickets for me today! Yes Sugarland in San Francisco this summmmmmmmmerrrrrrrrrrrrr. Perhaps we may even win some meet and greet tickets and I will get to ask, " Jennifer Nettles to "please, say something funny and inspiring for the blog."

Third, Stefan is freaking me out with his gargling. He thinks it's funny, but he's having a hard time laughing and gargling at the same time. Fail!

And why is he even still awake, see in my world it's yesterday, we have a big day tomorrow (today in your world). I don't want to watch Return of the Zombie again. Not on a date night anyways.

Oh wait, I'm getting a text message from Bel..... no Stefan. He texts, "hot pockets!" which is another blog, sorry.

Jesus, just let me finish my blog, please.

Okay here's the American Idol Top 9 Recap:

Anoop Desai performance tonight was his worst in my opinion and he's skating on thin ice. He started out all right, but went down hill fast on the chorus, lacking the umpf the song needed. He didn't handle the judges' criticism well either and it showed. He's better off singing ballads.

Megan Joy singing Bob Marley's, "I Wanna Give You Some Love," started off with her stylized vocals. Been there done that. Ho hum. She started singing better (without stylization) on the second half of the song, but I didn't care much for her version of that song. Maybe she could have just left the girl lyrics in and gone a little Katy Perry on us. Now, that would have been interesting.

Danny Gokey's performance was the first good one of the night. "Ah!" I love listening to Danny. He's got heart and soul. He reminds me of Johnny Lang, if he would just turn his sexy up a notch or five. One of my favorite performances tonight!

Allison Iraheta singing No Doubt's , "Don't Speak." Hmmmm. Gwen Stefani is amazing on this song and well Allison wasn't amazing. She sang great until she hit the chorus, where she lost momentum and emotional connection to the song. I believe Allison may be in jeopardy. The judges may have to save her tonight.

Scott MacIntyre singing Billy Joel's "Don't Go Changing." Scott started out well and I thought he chose a great song. When he got to the chorus he had some pitch problems, but he pulled it out and got through the song. It wasn't the worst performace of the night, but it wasn't the best.

Matt Giraud performed "You Found Me," by the Fray. Go power ballad! I thought he was edgier this week, edgier in a good way. I liked it. I thought he took a risk going out of his comfort zone and I respect that.

Lil Rounds' sang Celine Dion's "I Surrender." I didn't care for the song(Zzzzzz), but she sang it well, especially the second half. Not sure if she stays, it could go either way. But her kid definitely got her a few votes. So cute giving Randy a hug. Aw!

Disco meets rock as Adam Lambert performed an interesting arrangement of "Play That Funky Music White Boy." He pushes the envelope every week and he's soooooooooooooo faaaaaaaaaaar ahead of everyone else. White boy is my idol! He may even have a bit of Little Richard up in him.

Kris Allen had his best performance tonight. He even made me like that song. Kris was on fire and the teeny boppers are going crazy texting votes for him. I can her their little thumbs right now, "tap, tap, tap."

My top 2 for the night were Adam Lambert and Kris Allen. My bottom two, Anoop Desai and Megan Joy. I can't wait to see who stays tonight.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Beware of the Sugar Bugs!

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Iz Has Canday Negless.

Gio went to my bi-annual dental cleaning with me. And I'm so glad he did. One of the things he has always enjoyed is brushing his own teeth. But this mostly entails him sucking the toothpaste off the toothbrush, then he's done. In his mind, toothpaste=dessert.

In my opinion, it just isn't effective dental hygiene to eat while brushing.

"Do you brush your teeth twice a day," asks Mrs. Hygienist.

He nods his head yes.

"Do you let your Mommy help you? she digs a little further.

He nods yes, again, as I roll my eyes and shake my head "No!"

He fails to include all of his resistance to our tandem brushing experience: "No, I can do it myself!"

"Good," says Mrs. Hygienist, as she winds up for the knockout punch. "Because you don't want those sugar bugs to eat your teeth, so you need to let Mommy help you brush."

"Okay," Gio says trembling.

The look on his face: fear. Fear of the sugar bugs, eating his teeth, if he doesn't let me brush. And I would have snapped a picture, but I was restrained in the dental chair. I didn't even know dental restraint was still legal in some states?

Now our tooth brushing experience is joyous. I no longer hear Gio say, "I can brush my own teeth. You don't get a turn!"

And if he does start arguing, I just say, "don't you want me to make sure you get rid of all the sugar bugs?" Which is promptly followed by a head nod.

Where was that dental hygienist two years ago?

The look of complete sugar

That's what I look for in a necklace: one
that looks and tastes good. They need
to figure out a solution to the soggy string.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Earth Hour: The Results Show

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Earth Hour, switch off the lights one hour for Earth, was Saturday night, from 8:30p.m. to 9:30p.m.

Of course, we were late.

We didn't make it home until 9:15 because we had gone to see a musical, Wonderland, at a local children's theatre. Oh, and after the play we had to go to the grocery to fetch dog food, because someone forgot we were out. I'm not naming names, but, let's just say it wasn't me.

We figured since we missed 45 minutes of Earth Hour, we would just leave the lights out for the rest of the night.

"No lights for the rest of the night, wah!" whines Vinny. "Daddy can I use your book light?" asks Vinny the bookworm.

Of course, as I tweeted, Vinny thought, "Earth Hour is just a trick to get us into bed early."

Upon entering the house, we had a few FAILS! with lights coming on. First was the garage door. When it opens the light automatically turns on.

"Ahhhhh!" we scream. "Turn it off!"

Stefan saves the night, by switching the light off in a 20 seconds or less. Phew! That was a close one.

We got into the house and of course someone was hungry. Surprisingly, it wasn't Vinny, the eating machine, but Gio.

"I'm hungryyyyyy," he whines. "I want piiiizzaaaaa."

The lights are off, but the oven is on.

Stefan, being the Eagle Scout that he is, fetches a large candle because he says, and I quote, "you're cheating by using a flashlight(Vinny) and a cell phone(Me) for light."

"They have batteries!" exclaims Stefan .

"Well, my cell phone battery is rechargeable so that hardly counts," I say as I tweet on Twitter.

Gio accidentally switched on a few lights, but he's three, so we didn't send him to time out this year.

Vinny was distraught over all the darkness.

"I'm going to bed," Vinny says.

Right then my husband and I knew without speaking a word to each other, Earth Hour is THE solution to all of our bed time woes.

Now, at our house, every night is Earth Hour, with a slightly different schedule. Lights out at 7:30 p.m. We'll be helping ourselves and the planet.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Extreme LED Sheep Art

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My friend sent me this video the other day.

"Do you think they really attached the LED lights to the sheep, or was it just computer generated?" she asks me.

And that's the thing with the Internet, one never really knows if it's fact, fiction or a beautiful combination of both. I like to think of the Internet as Entertainment. Kind of like, TV, only a billion times better.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Earth Hour

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"Earth hour what's that?" asks someone.

When: First off it's happening March 28th, at 8:30 pm, no matter what time zone you live in.

How: turn off your lights for one hour or until 9:30 pm.

Why: According to the Earth Hour website, Earth Hour entails the following:

For the first time in history, people of all ages, nationalities, race and background have the opportunity to use their light switch as their vote – Switching off your lights is a vote for Earth, or leaving them on is a vote for global warming

Now if you really want to go crazy you could unplug everything except the refrigerator. But, really, this is about voting for planet earth by switching OFF the lights. Switching off the lights is a vote against global warming.

One person can make a difference if we all have the same vision. See you in the dark!

"Wait, how am I ever going to remember to turn off the lights at 8:30 pm?" asks someone.

Simple. Set an alarm on your phone, clock, etc. Remember to vote!

Friday, March 27, 2009

American Idol Michael Sarver Goes Home

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Michael Sarver leaves Idol.

Obviously, I am pleased with the decision to send Michael Sarver home on last night's American Idol results show. Missed yesterdays blog, click here

Sarver was in my bottom three, contestants with the least number of votes. But I was very surprised to see Matt Giraud in the bottom three. "Huh?" I can name several people worse than him, though his performance was a bit shaky.

Maybe Matt Giraud needs to get a little more comfortable flaunting his sexuality for the entire world to see, because that is what movie stars and Oprah guests do, right? Especially, since his song choice was, "Let's Get It On." I was going to include the video, but why bother, if the powers that be are going to take it off

New to American Idol this season is the judges Save. The person with the least amount of votes gets one last chance to "sing for survival," before getting booted off the show. Sarver gave it his all, which was a little too much, and to be honest he looked nervous.

While Sarver wasn't my favorite, it's still sad to see him leave the show. He seems like a nice guy. Just not a super star.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

American Idol Top 10 Recap

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Last night, as I was getting ready to watch American Idol, while simultaneously writing today's blog, I heard a strange sound.


Yes, poof! is exactly what I heard ,right before I found myself sitting alone, in a room of complete and utter darkness.

"But it's Motown night," I cry. "The top 10 are performing Motown songs. I like Motown. Wah, wah, boo, boo."

I attempted to send a reconciliatory email to the Power Angels, "Boo hoooo, no tivo. I promise never to take electricity for granted again. Now, please give me back my power."

It didn't work. So here I sit scrounging videos off of while writing my blog, on an exceptionally slow computer.
All before my scheduled 10:30 AM dental appointment.

Here is my American Idol Top 10 Recap.

Adam Lambert is amazing once again! I loved his clean cut look, very handsome. And his face looked like he was crying, just like I was last night when, "The Lights Went Out In Georgia." Broadway baby.

Allison Iraheta gave a rockin' yet soulful performance of "Papa Was A Rollin' Stone." Definitely the second best performance of the night. She stays.

I could only find the audio of Danny Gokey's performance. I liked it. He's got a great voice with a sexy edge. He stays.

Matt Giraud got it right and honestly in my book who can go wrong with "Let's Get It On." Definitely not his best night, but he stays for sexy swagger alone.

Megan Joy started out weak on "For Once in My Life," but she got better in the second half of the song. She isn't exactly my favorite, but I thought she was better this week than the previous two. And better than some of the others.

Michael Sarver sang "Ain't Too Proud To Beg," and personally I love this song, but not when he sings it. He oversang the song and kind of ruined it for me. Stylistically, it sound like he was going for Jerry Lee Lewis or something. Definitely a weak performance.

m performed "You Can't Hurry Love." I enjoyed his performance more than the last two weeks, but his time is numbered. He stays for now. Though if he starts singing about God, Jesus and Angels he will soar up the Christian charts.

Lil Rounds' performace of "Heatwave," was definitely not her best. Honestly, I am surprised she didn't give a strong performance, and I think this could really hurt her. Lil started out great, but she failed on the chorus. She may go tomorrow night.

Anoop Desai sang "Ooh baby baby," beautifully, which isn't what I look for in a male singer. But he definitely stays. One of the stronger performances of the night, just not my type.

Kris Allen sang "How Sweet It Is," and he surprised me. I thought he gave one of the better performances of the night. He stays.

The best performance of the night was by far Adam Lambert. Then, of course the next strongest was Allison Iraheta. The bottom three for me were Lil Rounds, Michael Sarver and Megan Joy, in that order.

So Internet who do you think is getting voted off tonight? Tivo please don't fail me now. Oh wait, I almost forgot, I'm checking the results on Twitter. Follow me

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

And the instructions say...................

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The other night, unbeknown to me, we ran out of dishwashing detergent. I almost never put detergent in the dishwasher, when I load it, because, I usually use too much detergent, causing the opening mechanism to jam. The end result is a rock hard rectangle of dish detergent that frequently fails! to dispense.

"Oh no!" exclaims Stefan as he runs to the dishwasher.

I look up to see the dishwasher foaming at the mouth.

I say to myself, "that thing cannot break tonight, it's only three years old."

Then I say a quick prayer to the Dishwashing Repair Angels, "to promise to start being good if they let my dishwasher live."

"I only used a tiny amount," swears Stefan. "We were out of regular dishwashing detergent. I thought it would be okay."

"Ha ha ha ha he he he he ho ho ho," I can't stop laughing.

I would have even rolled around on the floor laughing, because it was so funny, but I didn't want to get all foamy. Besides, I was overcome with joy that the dishwasher wasn't broken and he was cleaning the mess.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Invisible Trash Cans and Cloaking Devices

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I phoned the the "Pick Up Your Dog's Pile" Police today. I needed some clarification on how the whole pick up the poop thing works.

And quite frankly, I wanted to know why they were wasting so much money making the trash cans invisible. Besides, we can still see the poop, peeps. Let's spend the money on sheltering the homeless or education.

Even buying executive bonuses would be better than having to look at all those poop bags in broad daylight. "Boo, hiss!" screams the audience.

"So, is there a cloaking device around the trash can, therefore, making it impossible to see the trash can?" I ask the PUYDP Police.

"No ma'am," says the officer. "Why would you ask such a silly question?"

"Oh never mind," I say and hang up the phone.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Call Me "Nadia" (The Dog)

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The other night we were eating dinner.

"Call me Nadia," says Gio.

"Okay," I say.

"No, you forgot to call me Nadia," he lectures me.

"Nadia," I say to him.

Then he proceeded to lick his plate clean just like Nadia the Dog does every time she eats.

I turn to my oldest son and say, "Wow, he got me really good that time."

"Yes, he did," agrees Vinny.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Birthing A Rock Star

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White boy CAN dance.

The other day I was feeling great.

"Hey, every one is staring at me," I say to myself. "I must look as good as I feel."

But then I noticed they weren't quite looking at me. No, they were looking down and to my right. That's about when I remembered I wasn't alone, but in the company of a true Blues Brother.

Oh well, if I can't be a rock star myself, then I suppose the next best thing is hanging out with one.

Who knew a 3 year old could
play a bugle? Not me obviously.
Had I knew, I wouldn't have gotten
him a bugle. Duh!

Every rock star must have a
guitar shirt!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I Was Wrong Fort Ord Dunes State Park Rocks!

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Line up el quatro.

What was I thinking? Wilco Tango Surfspot! There is a legitimate surf spot, Fort Ord Dunes State Park, minutes from my house by car. I was about to write the place off, all because I can't take my dog there.

"Woof?" asks Nadia the Dog.

"It's not so bad, you can walk on the roads and a few of the trails that don't go down to the beach," I say to Nadia the dog.

"Woof, Woof!" exclaims Nadia the Dog.

Not only that, but I can ride there on my bike in less than 30 minutes from my house. And get this, I can get to the beach almost solely on bike trails.

Seriously, for years I have been wondering if the world comes to an end, and I can no longer drive, how on Goddess's Blue Earth will I go surfing? Now I know.

Have surf racks for bike, will surf! Yiiipppeee! Um, when did Gwen Stefani start surfing??? I hope she's not just trying to look like a surfer.

For some people the best part of surfing is riding around with a surfboard, which waves like a flag, on the roof of their car. Personally, I only put my board on the roof when absolutely necessary and I whine about it a lot.

"Stefan don't strap the board down so tight that you put pressure dings in it, please," I say. And that's how it starts, but the whining gets worse from there.

Floatin' to the next section.

Bird's eye view from the bluff.

Cutting back to the wash.

Jesus asks, "I can has massage?"

Friday, March 20, 2009

Jesus Saves and so do the Beatles

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I'm a fan of Jesus, though I can't take credit for the graffiti. He is all about unconditionally loving people, even total losers, like me. I prefer loser over sinner. But they are just words.

Also, Jesus is big on forgiveness and healing people with his hands. Sounds like a great way of life to me. I wonder if it will ever catch on? I hope so, and soon, smarn it.

Lennon and Paul McCartney must have been channeling a little Jesus on "All You Need Is Love." Thank goodness it's all connected, most likely by love.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

American Idol the Loser Is Not Saved

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Wilco Tango Idol! Huh?!

I need to do some research on who the American Idol voters are exactly, because, personally, I think they are collectively off their rocker.

Alexis Grace got the boot last night. The judges did not save her. I myself said in the blog yesterday her performance was weak. But Hello! Megan Joy was not weak she was bad, and she continued on with corny from the week before, in my opinion.

Also, the judges threw Megan Joy a lot of pity for her flu, and that probably swayed voters. But she was also bad last week, while she was healthy. In sickness and in health, this isn't marriage, voters, this is Idol.

I'm a little surprised the judges didn't save Alexis. But last week after she performed, "Dirty Diana, the judges did cut her down like they were clear cutting a forest.

The most talented don't always stay on Idol. This is something I'll have to learn to accept if I'm going to continue watching American Idol. But to see Alexis Grace not make the top 5 or 6 is disappointing.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

American Idol Top 11

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This week American Idol goes country as the top 11 perform songs by members of the Grand Ole Opry, the longest, running live radio show.

Adam Lambert's U2/Cult esque version of "Ring of Fire," rocked. Sorry Cash lovers Adams' version is way sexier than the man in black's version. Hot! Hot! Hot!

Yes, Randy Travis, guys can have man purses and wear nail polish and make up, too. Welcome to the 21st century. If Adam isn't too weird for America, he's taking the whole thing.

Michael Sarver got the job done on, "Ain't Going Down Til the Sun Comes Up." One of the reasons I like country is it's fun, and he made it fun. He made me want get up and dance. ( I would have if I wasn't so tired) The country genre fits him like a glove. He stays.

Allison Iraheta rocked the country song, "Blame It On Your Heart." She made it fun and enunciated the words to the song. I couldn't understand her last week, so that was a huge improvement.

Kris Allen sang "Make You Feel My Love," and made me think, "boy band." He sang fine, but just kind of boring. "Zzzzzzzz." He doesn't have star power, in my opinion, but he stays for now, because I have a feeling the people voting, love boy band.

Lil Rounds sang Martina McBride's "Independence Day." I thought Lil (see that wasn't hard Simon) gave an emotional performance. NAILED! it. Every great country song tells a story that evokes strong emotions, for someone who doesn't really know country, she captured the essence of it.

"Yo Simon, Lil Rounds ain't little." Go big, girl!

Scott MacIntyre performed "Wild Angels," by Martina McBride. I can totally see him in the Christian genre, but performance wise, I'm not feeling. He's a bit flat, and turned out an uninspiring performance. Scott stop singing with your brain and sing with your heart.

Alexis Grace sang Dolly Parton's, "Jolene." She didn't have the confidence she had last week on "Dirty Diana," which is sad because I thought she rocked that song.

Her performance was weak, but hopefully, not so weak she'll get the boot. Alexis needs to forget about what the judges say and be her naughty little self. Be all you can be, don't tone it down, baby.

Danny Gokey performed Carrie Underwood's, "Jesus Take the Wheel." What can I say? He gave an emotional performance, brought tears to my eyes, but it did start out a little too poppy for me. Regardless, he still knocked it out of the park on the second half. He stays. Dude, lose the safari jacket, paaalease.

Anoop Desai sang Willie Nelson's "You Were Always On My Mind,." Wow, when he opens up his voice, he's amazing. But he needs to feel more. Last week I thought he should go, but I'm glad he's still around. He stays for sure.

Megan Joy performed "I Go Out Walking After Midnight," she was pretty good until she sang off tune. She seems so self conscious about her dancing, rightly so, that it's messing with her singing. Girl, please, get a choreographer IF you stay. Notice the big IF. She could get a handicap for the flu and her looks, though.

I had to listen to Matt Giraud's version of Carrie Underwood's, "So Small," twice. His performance was on the Gospel side of things and very soulful, but something was missing for me. However, still a great version of the song. He stays.

So who goes? Who knows?

The bottom three for me were: Megan Joy, Scott MacIntyre, Kris Allen ranked from weakest to weaker to weak.

Will the judges have to do a save tonight? What do you think?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

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When my son was in kindergarten, I got to be the class leprechaun.

No, I didn't shrink myself, wear a tiny green suit, or pass out four leaf clovers.

But I did get to mess up the room by turning over chairs, blocking aisles and making a mess of things. That part was fun.

But the best part was watching the kids faces when they came in from recess.

"What happened?" many of them asked. "Oh my gosh!" some screeched.

Of course, there was the one kid who said, "some one's parent did this."

But I swore it was the crazy leprechaun, which by the way is a second grade spelling word. And thanks to my second grader, I now know how to spell l-e-p-r-e-c-h-a-u-n.

Monday, March 16, 2009

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funny pictures of cats with captions

This is from the website When I saw this picture I laughed so hard I was snorting. It hurt so good because I was laughing, but it was slightly painful, too. Comedy S&M.

Plus, Stefan reads all the captions out loud in his hilarious "i can has cheezburger" voice, which makes me laugh even harder.

There are loads and loads of funny captioned pictures on And if you don't think the caption is funny, you can WRITE! your own caption, when in another life you have nothing else to do.

All the photos and phonetically spelled captions are user generated. So if ur luuking fur uh hobbi, yu cann summit a foto n capshun n mahbe ull be pict.

Or just check out and LOL! Or follow icanhascheezburger on Twitter for some daily comedic relief.

funny pictures of cats with captions

"Let's go to the website, now," says Stefan.

"No, I can't take anymore laughing," I plead. "My head hurts. Oh, okay."

I'd rather die laughing, than crying.

funny pictures of cats with captions

funny pictures of cats with captions

funny pictures of cats with captions
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