Eat Pray Love

Setting: Sitting in a movie theater watching the movie adaption of the book, Eat, Pray, Love."

"Are you bored," I ask.

"Yeah," says my BFF. "Do you want to leave?"

"No, not yet," I say.

We were only in India, and that was the boring part of the book, "Eat, Pray, Love." Things had to get better in Bali, there are awesome waves there. But they never did, even great surf couldn't help that movie.

"We should have left," says my BFF. "They're wasn't even any sex, or hot guys in Italy."

"Yeah," I say.

The book was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the movie, which could be re-titled, "I should've Stayed Home and Slept For Free."

And, not that I'm a fancy dresser or anything, but the person in charge of Julia Roberts wardrobe had to be a nun. Maybe she was overcompensating for Julia's call girl attire in, "Pretty Woman?" Roberts was covered up to her neck in Bali, for Peet's Coffee!!!!

In other words, guys, this is one chick flick you'll want to skip, unless you're into nuns.

Peddle While You Tweet or Facebook

Oh em gee! I know what would be even better than peddling while tweeting or facebooking. A peddle vacuum!

"Trim the fat, while sucking up dust."

Surfing Dolphins

While surfing the other day I see a giant splash in the water, about a 50 yards from where I am sitting, waiting for my next wave.

"What was that?!" I ask, ready to paddle in, if necessary.

"Oh it's the dolphins," says my surfer pal. "There going off today."

No sooner had he said that, when a dolphin boosted a five foot aerial out of a wave.

"Sweet."

Then a dolphin started heading towards me and another surfer, like an under water missile. In other words, fast!

"Whoa," says the surfer, sitting about ten feet from me.

It's a strange feeling to have a dolphin swimming at you, paddling for a wave, at approximately thirty miles an hour. But neither I nor the other surfer moved a muscle, trusting the dolphin, would steer clear of us.

We bobbed up as the wave past under us, with the dolphin threading us like an eye of a needle, while riding the wave, below the surface of the water.

"Cool!"

And that's just one reason why I surf, I suppose. To watch the dolphins surf. And really, who needs more reason than that?

Dolphins are surfers too, and way hotter than those Hollywood posers, featured in People Magazine, every week. In fact, they're the reason I cancelled my People Magazine subscription.

Well, I would have cancelled it, if I'd had a subscription, in the first place. So, there.

Pepe Le Pew Returns, Again

Yes, the skunk is back. But this time he didn't bother spraying the dog. Apparently, the dog is now small time to Pepe Le Pew. Oh yeah, the skunk is moving on to spraying bigger and better things, such as the entire perimeter of the house.

Not only can I smell the skunky aroma strongly when I'm outside, but I can smell it nearly as much when I'm inside the house, too. Yay! That's just like getting two for the price of one, a twofer, with a terrible return policy, twoferterrible. :(

Excuse me while I vomit from the nauseating odor.

"Wretch, wretch, wreeeeetch!"

Hmmmmmmm, that's not better?

Anyways, Stefan went to the store to pick up a trillion mothballs, which are now scattered throughout the yard. I was told by a friend skunks don't like mothballs, and will immediately pack their bags, when mothballs invade their "home." That's karma Mr. Skunk.

Oh and, Mark, thanks for the hot mothball tip. Too bad we didn't employ it sooner. The smell was the reminder we needed, I guess.

It better work, for the skunk's sake, anyways. All is fair, in a war on my olfactory systems. Besides, I really don't want to call the weird, animal ornamented, pest remover, van guy, if I don't have to.

I wonder if Nature's Miracle Skunk Odor Remover comes in one gallon spray containers? Or if I can, at least, buy stock in the company?

Sniffing Gluten

"What are you doing, Mom?" asks Vinny.

"Smelling pretzels," I say.

"Smelling gluten," clarifies Vinny.

"Exactly," I say.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to suck on a long, hard, salty, pretzel stick, right now. My mouth is all wet, just thinking about it.

If Only They Were More Like Their Sister

"Baby Kate's asleep," announces Gio.

Now if only her brothers were too. 

Man-icure